Over my career I have lived in many countries and in each of those places I have had strong female friendships. Some of those friendships remain today but many - for reasons of circumstance or time zone or life trajectories or differences of opinions - left my life. Sometimes I see this as a personal failing. Other times I see it as a celebration of a life well-lived.
In Egypt, I used to meet with a woman artist every week. We would go to drink tea in a boarded up tearoom, where they also served beer: two women in what was a room full of men and we would talk about art and politics, about dating and dreams.
During my first time abroad, as an Erasmus student in France, I made two close friends who had done things I had never dreamed of - like go to Paris for the summer with a dream and no job - and their belief in this possibility made me believe it was possible for me too.
In Scotland, I joined a collective of women poets, from different ages and backgrounds, and together we took on local sexism, gender expectations, cliches and cliques.
In Myanmar, I shared an office with a female colleague. Each day, we would make fun of each other’s tendencies and share life stories from our very different upbringings - her in a jungle in Myanmar - me in a suburb of Glasgow. Despite the obvious differences - we found we shared much more in common.
I could tell you so many more stories of the women unrelated to me, who shaped me. Sometimes for a few months, sometimes for so long they start to feel a bit like family. With some we would lose touch for years, then be back in each other’s lives. These women echoed back to me life experiences, which I thought were mine alone. They echoed my experience of being a young woman. They taught me coping strategies and they raised my ambition for myself. And in doing so, they helped me, conversation by conversation, feel a bit less alone.
I began thinking about these old friends, in meetings and unexpected reunions during COP 28. Being close to the climate space brings up divergent thoughts and feelings from my almost 20 years working on gender equality.
Over these years, it often feels like I am reading and listening to the same stories, producing the same research, designing the same dialogues over and over again. And while I used to work in grassroots spaces - which felt a long way from power - even now, working on one of the biggest global climate events - I saw the same conversations circle about women’s participation. The same data which shows gender equality as part of the solution and the same data which shows that women remain somewhat on the side-lines.
It is an ancient systemic problem. I understand it is not something that just quickly changes. But I also see that when I get too caught up in the facts, I lose contact with the moments which remind me that shifting those systems is possible. I become like a good lawyer in court - pointing to irrefutable evidence. But there is not judge and no conviction.
And during this COP, I listened to women’s perspectives and expertise from around the world. These women taught me some new, interesting details about gender and climate, but mostly they reminded me of the power of women coming together. Of hearing each other. Of listening to each other’s experiences. Of feeling less alone. Even momentarily and even if it doesn’t last.
And it reminded of all the ways these women from my past had taught me about being a woman. Because witnessing and validating another women’s experiences changes something. Instead of focusing on data and facts to prove a point about why gender inequality is harmful, it evokes the systems-changing power of affirming, recognising and joining together. Of all the ways that we are not alone and there are many ways forward which we each do not need to resolve by ourselves.
And when I sat alone again in my room at the end of the event, I thought of all those women around the world, who had been my friends - some of whom I haven’t spoken to in years. And I saw the informal community they had brought me. That we had brought each other. So that in a world still ultimately built by men - we could say yes that also happened to me. And yes, we believe each other when we tell our stories and yes, we can help each other find a solution. One conversation at a time.