What a lovely piece, and I've had my fair share of transitions in life - I moved around every 3 years for the first 18 years of my life, had 8 stable years in one place, and then from there I had about 8 years of bouncing around before finally settling down in Ukraine...or so I thought. It was fairly smooth sailing up until that point, so I suppose the transitions are easier when you're in control of your fate, if you know what I mean. But as you put it so well, "the knowledge that something of you will slip away with leaving this place" always lingers.
I can see how challenging it must be for you now, with the uncertainty of what's next -when the future is murky, it's hard, for sure. Even though I'm settled now in Vienna, there is still a lot of murkiness and uncertainty and this is when I start longing for Scotland or N Ireland (but alas, that's merely a dream...)
Thanks for your comment, Daniel. Yes, I relate - so much moving around when I was younger - I find myself both equipped with more of the skills to move on or navigate uncertainty, as well as craving stability and certainty much more than I used to. It is easier when it's been your choice to leave, rather than the sort of situation I am in now, but I also try to own it as much as possible; it is not ideal, but trust in the long run it will lead to something better suited. I think Dubai, and the Gulf in general, has a transient nature about it, it is not the sort of place many people stay forever, especially as most visa status is tied to work and when you don't have work, you have to leave. And I think we all long for Scotland in the end right :) I thought that was just because it was my home, but I love it there. I do find that it has something that I haven't found in the rest of the world.
Your piece brought me chills of empathy and even recognition, and I've never lived in a other country than that of my birth, and have only visited 4 others. I think the chills come from your willingness to be vulnerable and the way you communicate the raw yet aliveness of your direct and evolving experience.
You speak about getting to know yourself immersed in, and relating to, your environment like I might about having and getting to know my offspring and others in my closest relationships, past and present. Everyone and everything felt as relative and yet encapsulating ALL.
Comfort from the love and growth from the struggles all are contained in this weird bodily vessel and yet supported by this vast ship called real living. The rocking ship, the storms over the side, you are in them and still able to bring us to you! Just Wow.
I feel stronger just spending these few minutes with you through your sharing. And I offer you a huge hug, in friendship and gratitude. (Close your eyes. You will feel it!)
Thank you for your lovely comment JR. It is interesting - I do see countries and places like human relationships - you have to get to know them like anything else - they have their unchangeable quirks, frustrations and inspiration and comforts. I also kind of see myself formed within lots of different places over the years, so the way they are has had an impact on me. Thank you so much for your hug, friendship and support! It is valued.
Very moved by this Catriona, you write so tenderly about this huge process of relocation and yourself within it. Very much looking forward to our talk on hope on Friday. Meantime go well with your packing and reflecting x
Thank you so much for this comment Sally. Yes it feels a very tender process and I think as I get older and go through the process of moving so many times, I allow more space for that side of change, because it always is there. Look forward to talking with you then.
I am approaching a big change myself next year. But the planning is already underway although the outcome remains uncertain. It's exciting and daunting. All the best with your endings and new beginnings.
Glad you already have a plan in place Lisa - I think that makes a big difference and I love that you have that in place. I think I need to learn a bit how to shape that moving forward. Everything feels very up in the air for me, as I only moved to Dubai for this job 2 years ago, then got told a couple of months ago that that job no longer exists. So it’s a lot of flux and change, so working out how to create stability in the middle of it.
Oh, this letter reminds me so much of how difficult it is for your heart to cross physical distance in real time. When I was 25, I quit my nursing job in the ICU to backpack around the world for over a year. It was exhilarating, heartbreaking, and disorienting.
There are stories I lived that may never be told anywhere except for the invisible threads of my heart, weaving together mismatched tapestries with fragile love.
Thinking of you during this transition and looking forward to connecting about querying!
Thank you for this Mariah. I so loved seeing your blog - it reminds me of the old blogging days and seems like you went on such an adventure with many places you called home for a while. I like also that you use the word disorientating - that has been my experience over the years of travel many times, it can take a while to find root and ground again.
You write so tenderly of transition Catriona and I’m wishing you well with the sorting and the leaving and the landing and re- rooting in the next place.
You asked about experiences of transition. My latest transition - emigrating from Wales, UK to the Pacific Northwest is ongoing. Tentative little roots are putting themselves out.
I rushed headlong at ‘settling in’ at first but my heart had other ideas. Overwhelm would ambush me. There’s a sweet agony to both missing and longing something gone while delighting in all the newness of a new life in a new place. This continues. Adapting is ongoing. Writing my Substack has been a huge help and support in coming into deeper relationship with my experiences. Allowing fresh ideas to percolate about work, family, friends, community ~ nourishment and fulfilment and how I spend my time. Listening more deeply to the wisdom of my bones. It’s a lively crucible.
Thank you for this Juliet - and for sharing your own transition experiences. That is interesting you are still in the transition process - as from afar you seem very rooted in the Pacific NW. I can see how your Substack is supporting you in that rooting and processing. I think mine is doing the same. And I was actually thinking a lot of our conversation on Friday when I ended up writing this piece. It felt like it served the double purpose of rooting into writing which comes from the heart and helping me process some of the feelings I have about moving on.
That’s great to hear Catriona - I see you exploring and expanding on the idea of rooting. I think when we feel surely rooted in our own heart and wisdom then we show up differently in the world. I know I do. When I’m up in my head feeling insecure I tend to be more reactive and feel more tossed about by my emotions or other people or circumstances. Looking forward to more conversation.
What a lovely piece, and I've had my fair share of transitions in life - I moved around every 3 years for the first 18 years of my life, had 8 stable years in one place, and then from there I had about 8 years of bouncing around before finally settling down in Ukraine...or so I thought. It was fairly smooth sailing up until that point, so I suppose the transitions are easier when you're in control of your fate, if you know what I mean. But as you put it so well, "the knowledge that something of you will slip away with leaving this place" always lingers.
I can see how challenging it must be for you now, with the uncertainty of what's next -when the future is murky, it's hard, for sure. Even though I'm settled now in Vienna, there is still a lot of murkiness and uncertainty and this is when I start longing for Scotland or N Ireland (but alas, that's merely a dream...)
Thanks for your comment, Daniel. Yes, I relate - so much moving around when I was younger - I find myself both equipped with more of the skills to move on or navigate uncertainty, as well as craving stability and certainty much more than I used to. It is easier when it's been your choice to leave, rather than the sort of situation I am in now, but I also try to own it as much as possible; it is not ideal, but trust in the long run it will lead to something better suited. I think Dubai, and the Gulf in general, has a transient nature about it, it is not the sort of place many people stay forever, especially as most visa status is tied to work and when you don't have work, you have to leave. And I think we all long for Scotland in the end right :) I thought that was just because it was my home, but I love it there. I do find that it has something that I haven't found in the rest of the world.
Your piece brought me chills of empathy and even recognition, and I've never lived in a other country than that of my birth, and have only visited 4 others. I think the chills come from your willingness to be vulnerable and the way you communicate the raw yet aliveness of your direct and evolving experience.
You speak about getting to know yourself immersed in, and relating to, your environment like I might about having and getting to know my offspring and others in my closest relationships, past and present. Everyone and everything felt as relative and yet encapsulating ALL.
Comfort from the love and growth from the struggles all are contained in this weird bodily vessel and yet supported by this vast ship called real living. The rocking ship, the storms over the side, you are in them and still able to bring us to you! Just Wow.
I feel stronger just spending these few minutes with you through your sharing. And I offer you a huge hug, in friendship and gratitude. (Close your eyes. You will feel it!)
♥️
Thank you for your lovely comment JR. It is interesting - I do see countries and places like human relationships - you have to get to know them like anything else - they have their unchangeable quirks, frustrations and inspiration and comforts. I also kind of see myself formed within lots of different places over the years, so the way they are has had an impact on me. Thank you so much for your hug, friendship and support! It is valued.
Very moved by this Catriona, you write so tenderly about this huge process of relocation and yourself within it. Very much looking forward to our talk on hope on Friday. Meantime go well with your packing and reflecting x
Thank you so much for this comment Sally. Yes it feels a very tender process and I think as I get older and go through the process of moving so many times, I allow more space for that side of change, because it always is there. Look forward to talking with you then.
I am approaching a big change myself next year. But the planning is already underway although the outcome remains uncertain. It's exciting and daunting. All the best with your endings and new beginnings.
Glad you already have a plan in place Lisa - I think that makes a big difference and I love that you have that in place. I think I need to learn a bit how to shape that moving forward. Everything feels very up in the air for me, as I only moved to Dubai for this job 2 years ago, then got told a couple of months ago that that job no longer exists. So it’s a lot of flux and change, so working out how to create stability in the middle of it.
Oh I still have a lot of unknowns, Catriona, including the next destination! All the best to us both!
Ok glad to know it is not just me :D Excited then, to know more about your next destination!
Oh, this letter reminds me so much of how difficult it is for your heart to cross physical distance in real time. When I was 25, I quit my nursing job in the ICU to backpack around the world for over a year. It was exhilarating, heartbreaking, and disorienting.
There are stories I lived that may never be told anywhere except for the invisible threads of my heart, weaving together mismatched tapestries with fragile love.
Thinking of you during this transition and looking forward to connecting about querying!
P.S. Sharing this in case it resonates: https://thebarefootbeat.com/blog/2013/10/22/confessions-addict/ 💗
Thank you for this Mariah. I so loved seeing your blog - it reminds me of the old blogging days and seems like you went on such an adventure with many places you called home for a while. I like also that you use the word disorientating - that has been my experience over the years of travel many times, it can take a while to find root and ground again.
You write so tenderly of transition Catriona and I’m wishing you well with the sorting and the leaving and the landing and re- rooting in the next place.
You asked about experiences of transition. My latest transition - emigrating from Wales, UK to the Pacific Northwest is ongoing. Tentative little roots are putting themselves out.
I rushed headlong at ‘settling in’ at first but my heart had other ideas. Overwhelm would ambush me. There’s a sweet agony to both missing and longing something gone while delighting in all the newness of a new life in a new place. This continues. Adapting is ongoing. Writing my Substack has been a huge help and support in coming into deeper relationship with my experiences. Allowing fresh ideas to percolate about work, family, friends, community ~ nourishment and fulfilment and how I spend my time. Listening more deeply to the wisdom of my bones. It’s a lively crucible.
Thank you for this Juliet - and for sharing your own transition experiences. That is interesting you are still in the transition process - as from afar you seem very rooted in the Pacific NW. I can see how your Substack is supporting you in that rooting and processing. I think mine is doing the same. And I was actually thinking a lot of our conversation on Friday when I ended up writing this piece. It felt like it served the double purpose of rooting into writing which comes from the heart and helping me process some of the feelings I have about moving on.
That’s great to hear Catriona - I see you exploring and expanding on the idea of rooting. I think when we feel surely rooted in our own heart and wisdom then we show up differently in the world. I know I do. When I’m up in my head feeling insecure I tend to be more reactive and feel more tossed about by my emotions or other people or circumstances. Looking forward to more conversation.
Safe travels my friend. I'm excited to see where the next adventure will take you 💕
Thank you Clare! Yes we will see. For the moment back in Scotland and really enjoying being back here.
Happy to hear that, Catriona. Transitions can be tricky, so please do take care of yourself 💕