Incredibly thought provoking essay, Catriona! I agree with your perspective on the way in which land ownership can empower a woman - providing a resource that can help her stand on her own two feet, not dependent on a man or others to provide her basic needs. How a woman having control over her own resources means she can stand up for herself, say no, set boundaries…
Set boundaries. Especially that!
Control over her own resources makes her strong…puts her in a position where she can choose her own health and safety, not be forced to settle, to compromise, or stay quiet to stay safe, or take whatever level of neglect, adulterous behavior, or abuse that comes in a relationship - just to avoid rocking the boat and being left destitute.
Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts. It’s interesting to note that a lack of ownership of resources greatly impacts all women - that this is a universal reality for women around the globe.
After 17 years of marriage and being the mom who primarily stayed home to raise the kids I find that I’m 100% dependent on my husband financially, even though the house I bought before we married is in my name. It’s an odd place to be.
When we went through a rough patch four years ago - owning the house gave me some sense of security and leverage, but only to a certain degree. I came face to face with the reality that I had no way of providing for myself and my daughter if I kept the house. I’d have to sell it to survive.
Sometimes I wonder if I would have been so willing to stay and work things out if I’d had my own financial resources then.
This essay really has me thinking about how much I want to be financially independent - especially now that I’m in my 40’s. I just don’t feel secure. So many women end up divorced in their 40’s because they can’t keep the attention of the men they’re with, or you just grow apart, wanting different things. If I can become financially independent I feel I will be able to make choices in my relationship that I know are made entirely based on love and wanting to stay together rather than insecurity or dependence.
I may have been a tad too honest about things in this comment - but I’m sure many women can relate.
Imagine a world in which all young women became financially independent and were taught how to be resourceful before pursuing romantic relationships…I can only imagine how different it could be.
Hello Darcey, What a moving and thoughtful response to my story. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am touched to read your experience of land ownership, boundaries and being a woman. None of it is easy and I find it always feels like we are navigating complex choices we were never quite prepared for until we had the benefit of hindsight.
In my previous job, I used to listen to women's relationships to land, I always found them to be rich, rarely proprietorial and they always told a bigger social story about the social systems we live in and ways women have found to negotiate these to support themselves and their families.
Yes - imagine that world where we were taught to resource ourselves before our relationships! It sounds like you are in an interesting time in your life, thinking about ways to strengthen and bolster yourself. I know I found vulnerability before I found a sense of security and this still feels like a work in progress, especially considering the ways we are socialised and the systems which shape our current world.
Incredibly thought provoking essay, Catriona! I agree with your perspective on the way in which land ownership can empower a woman - providing a resource that can help her stand on her own two feet, not dependent on a man or others to provide her basic needs. How a woman having control over her own resources means she can stand up for herself, say no, set boundaries…
Set boundaries. Especially that!
Control over her own resources makes her strong…puts her in a position where she can choose her own health and safety, not be forced to settle, to compromise, or stay quiet to stay safe, or take whatever level of neglect, adulterous behavior, or abuse that comes in a relationship - just to avoid rocking the boat and being left destitute.
Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts. It’s interesting to note that a lack of ownership of resources greatly impacts all women - that this is a universal reality for women around the globe.
After 17 years of marriage and being the mom who primarily stayed home to raise the kids I find that I’m 100% dependent on my husband financially, even though the house I bought before we married is in my name. It’s an odd place to be.
When we went through a rough patch four years ago - owning the house gave me some sense of security and leverage, but only to a certain degree. I came face to face with the reality that I had no way of providing for myself and my daughter if I kept the house. I’d have to sell it to survive.
Sometimes I wonder if I would have been so willing to stay and work things out if I’d had my own financial resources then.
This essay really has me thinking about how much I want to be financially independent - especially now that I’m in my 40’s. I just don’t feel secure. So many women end up divorced in their 40’s because they can’t keep the attention of the men they’re with, or you just grow apart, wanting different things. If I can become financially independent I feel I will be able to make choices in my relationship that I know are made entirely based on love and wanting to stay together rather than insecurity or dependence.
I may have been a tad too honest about things in this comment - but I’m sure many women can relate.
Imagine a world in which all young women became financially independent and were taught how to be resourceful before pursuing romantic relationships…I can only imagine how different it could be.
Hello Darcey, What a moving and thoughtful response to my story. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am touched to read your experience of land ownership, boundaries and being a woman. None of it is easy and I find it always feels like we are navigating complex choices we were never quite prepared for until we had the benefit of hindsight.
In my previous job, I used to listen to women's relationships to land, I always found them to be rich, rarely proprietorial and they always told a bigger social story about the social systems we live in and ways women have found to negotiate these to support themselves and their families.
Yes - imagine that world where we were taught to resource ourselves before our relationships! It sounds like you are in an interesting time in your life, thinking about ways to strengthen and bolster yourself. I know I found vulnerability before I found a sense of security and this still feels like a work in progress, especially considering the ways we are socialised and the systems which shape our current world.
A fascinating read, thank you!
Thank you for commenting Jacqueline! So glad you enjoyed this piece. I worked on land rights for many years it is a topic close to my heart 💕