Catriona, this is pure fire! Everyone needs to read it! Thank you for the reminder that IWD was originally about workers' rights. And the flower metaphor – so effective and powerful, and even more reason to reject flowers and chocolates for IWD!
Thank you Annette! I am so encouraged and boosted by your words and support. Happy International Women's Day to you! May we reject the flowers and chocolates and change the systems together :)
Catriona... I deeply resonate with your message. Your voice is powerful and your message is deeply needed by men and women alike. Yes, yes, yes there are ancient patterns that are built in to the structures of our world. This does not mean they cannot change. Your voice and message are the spark that is igniting the fires of change in this world. Your time is now. I am learning from you and I am grateful.
Thank you for these thoughtful words Stan. I am boosted by your support and insight, And thank you for seeing that this is not only about women. We need allyships and to join together to see those old systems for what they are. They serve only a very few at the end of the day.
I read your piece, and what stands out to me is the deep frustration—not just with the way International Women’s Day is co-opted, but with how the weight of responsibility is always placed on women themselves. The expectation to endure, to smile through it, to be grateful for gestures that do not change anything. I know this pattern. It is built into everything.
What you describe—women being told to work harder, volunteer more, support each other without addressing the system that creates the imbalance—reinforces the same structure it claims to challenge. The focus shifts from systems to individuals, from the conditions that create inequality to the ways women are expected to overcome it. That is a trap. One that keeps the machine running while making women responsible for their own exhaustion.
I also recognize what you say about anger. It is not the problem—it is a response to what is being ignored. The push to turn that anger into something acceptable, into resilience, into celebration, makes it easier to dismiss. And yet, anger is clarity. It names what is wrong. It refuses to be softened.
Your reflection on what you once believed—equality as something that could be earned through competence—hits deep. The realization that competence was never the problem, that the rules were never built to be fair, is something I had to learn too. It is not a failure of individual effort. It is a system doing exactly what it was designed to do.
And the ending—the image of being rooted, of becoming solid ground instead of something temporary—there is truth in that. Not in proving ourselves, not in adapting, but in refusing to be shaped by expectations that were never ours to begin with.
I see the weight of this. And I am here, sitting with it, with you.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment Jay. So glad this piece resonated with you. Yes absolutely frustration and over the years embracing anger instead of pushing it away. A lot of this frustration came from working on gender research for years, carrying my own traumas from various gender-related harms and despite understanding the power dynamics at play being in environments where I still did not have the power or agency to change what I was seeing. Thank you for sitting with me in this space.
Catriona, I hear you. That frustration—the knowing, the seeing, the understanding, and still being up against the same power structures—it’s a heavy thing to carry. And when you’ve spent years in gender research, in spaces where the patterns are clear but the ability to shift them remains out of reach, that weight only deepens.
Embracing anger instead of pushing it away is a powerful shift. It’s not just about personal healing; it’s about refusing to let the world gaslight you into believing these things aren’t happening. You’ve named it, you’ve lived it, and I see how much that takes.
I’m here in this space with you, holding that weight alongside you.
This part too, so important: “…a day with its foundation in workers’ rights seems to have been sanitised to fit into corporate cultures.” I appreciated your honesty in grappling with the performative nature of this kind of day, the way it can (but does not necessarily need to) erase who and what it’s meant to celebrate, and how to mark it on your own terms.
Thank you for this comment Stephanie. I appreciate you noticing the workers rights part. That has always felt important to me - especially when working in corporate structures where I have felt powerless or been subjected to these sort of IWD performances. I often wonder where that part of the discourse went and how we can reclaim within our systems and lives again.
Yes that is true - its a good place to start, as the discourse these days has got so warped - with the competing main day campaigns and so many workplaces doing something to acknowledge it, it often seems like a place full of narrative battles.
Thanks for this. I often get so frustrated when men get all the kudos for speaking out on women’s rights and issues. And yes I get frustrated at women for applauding them. There’s something we simply are not getting even though we advocate for women’s empowerment ad nauseam.
Yes I agree Karina - gender differences can seem overdone because its mentioned so much, but then it also needs to be, because the discrimination issue is still there. In my opinion, its hard to tackle because we tend to avoid or not see the systemic and power dynamics at the root of inequalities, which often leads to people feeling excluded or blamed or the wrong people taking on responsibility for what is not really theirs to fix.
Great advice, Catriona. I've noticed that often when things go wrong between men and women, the men come out smelling like roses and the women are blamed for whatever happened, even when it was the man who told lies, did things he shouldn't have, that sort of thing. The tropes are still in men's favour.
Thank you Diana. Yes the tropes are in his favour, because the whole system and narrative structure is in his favour. Men get to play into existing stories while women have to explain theirs, sometimes many times over. That said, I do see this as a systems issue rather than a men/women issue. Overall men benefit from the system, but the system is inside us all until we unpack it and decide on our own ways.
And in some ways men aren't served well by the system as it is, and it can be hard for some of them to understand why. They often complain about isolation and that sort of thing.
It really is a systems issue. Thanks again for this post, Catriona.
See now, this is why this collaborative writing project is SO IMPORTANT. I spent a good part of last night fretting over the piece I shared, on account of all the conditioning you've so clearly laid out here. So damn eloquent and direct. As I read, I felt my body softening, my resolve thickening again. I felt ok again, truly. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Beautifully written, I don't know where to begin quoting you! But I know that last night, out with dear friends for a special night of live music, when I should have been enjoying myself, I was fretting over the loss of success I felt I might have risked... all "when I would rather feel safe to be soft, loud, angry, all of me, without risking any loss of success." May we be all of ourselves, and normalize that. My love to you.
Thank you so much Amanda. I needed a moment to process your beautiful comment before replying. Thank you for this and I love how you point out the ways it connects to your piece and value of collaborative projects, especially for overcoming systemic socialisation issues like gender.
Your opening lines read like a poem to me. Or a speech I wanted to march to every International Women's Day. There is so much power, depth, groundedness, resonance in those lines, and I feel honoured to have read them.
Beautiful work, Catriona. Thank you so much for sharing it 💕
Thank you Clare for your kind words. The opening actually came from another creative essay I had written about land rights in Myanmar a while ago and never published. I thought of them when I read something about flowers and IWD which made me feel like I might throw up. So you seeing groundedness in is very true to their origin!
Louder girl, louder! I love this blazing essay!
🙂🙂🙂🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻💕💕💕 Thank you!!
Catriona, this is pure fire! Everyone needs to read it! Thank you for the reminder that IWD was originally about workers' rights. And the flower metaphor – so effective and powerful, and even more reason to reject flowers and chocolates for IWD!
Thank you Annette! I am so encouraged and boosted by your words and support. Happy International Women's Day to you! May we reject the flowers and chocolates and change the systems together :)
Holy yes to that! Proud to say I shared your essay with my eldest son, and he found it so good he sent it to his girlfriend ✊🏻
Aw I love that Annette! That is beautiful. This really made me smile. Thank you! Sounds like you have engrained some good values in your son.
Catriona... I deeply resonate with your message. Your voice is powerful and your message is deeply needed by men and women alike. Yes, yes, yes there are ancient patterns that are built in to the structures of our world. This does not mean they cannot change. Your voice and message are the spark that is igniting the fires of change in this world. Your time is now. I am learning from you and I am grateful.
Thank you for these thoughtful words Stan. I am boosted by your support and insight, And thank you for seeing that this is not only about women. We need allyships and to join together to see those old systems for what they are. They serve only a very few at the end of the day.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Thank you Lauren!!
You're very welcome - I couldn't think of the words for this piece, just a standing ovation!
Haha I love that. Sometimes an emoji just says it better!
LOVE!!! Thank you for these powerful words today, and every day.
Thank you so much Kay. And yes very much agree - today and everyday.
We can only keep shouting them.
Yes exactly. And believing our own voices when we do.
Oh I just saw you are also Scottish. Amazing :)
Yes. From Blairgowrie - up near Perth. You?
Nice I grew up in Glasgow.
Ah, I haven’t been to Glasgow in years. I’m in London now.
Deeply powerful and necessary words. Thank you so much for sharing this, Catriona!
Thank you Tuli/Catherine for your comment. So glad you enjoyed the piece.
Catriona,
I read your piece, and what stands out to me is the deep frustration—not just with the way International Women’s Day is co-opted, but with how the weight of responsibility is always placed on women themselves. The expectation to endure, to smile through it, to be grateful for gestures that do not change anything. I know this pattern. It is built into everything.
What you describe—women being told to work harder, volunteer more, support each other without addressing the system that creates the imbalance—reinforces the same structure it claims to challenge. The focus shifts from systems to individuals, from the conditions that create inequality to the ways women are expected to overcome it. That is a trap. One that keeps the machine running while making women responsible for their own exhaustion.
I also recognize what you say about anger. It is not the problem—it is a response to what is being ignored. The push to turn that anger into something acceptable, into resilience, into celebration, makes it easier to dismiss. And yet, anger is clarity. It names what is wrong. It refuses to be softened.
Your reflection on what you once believed—equality as something that could be earned through competence—hits deep. The realization that competence was never the problem, that the rules were never built to be fair, is something I had to learn too. It is not a failure of individual effort. It is a system doing exactly what it was designed to do.
And the ending—the image of being rooted, of becoming solid ground instead of something temporary—there is truth in that. Not in proving ourselves, not in adapting, but in refusing to be shaped by expectations that were never ours to begin with.
I see the weight of this. And I am here, sitting with it, with you.
—Jay
Maybe you want to read my essay that might explain a bit more why you and every woman thinking for herself is frustrated: https://substack.com/@jaygermany/note/c-98947927
Thank you for your thoughtful comment Jay. So glad this piece resonated with you. Yes absolutely frustration and over the years embracing anger instead of pushing it away. A lot of this frustration came from working on gender research for years, carrying my own traumas from various gender-related harms and despite understanding the power dynamics at play being in environments where I still did not have the power or agency to change what I was seeing. Thank you for sitting with me in this space.
Catriona, I hear you. That frustration—the knowing, the seeing, the understanding, and still being up against the same power structures—it’s a heavy thing to carry. And when you’ve spent years in gender research, in spaces where the patterns are clear but the ability to shift them remains out of reach, that weight only deepens.
Embracing anger instead of pushing it away is a powerful shift. It’s not just about personal healing; it’s about refusing to let the world gaslight you into believing these things aren’t happening. You’ve named it, you’ve lived it, and I see how much that takes.
I’m here in this space with you, holding that weight alongside you.
“That we were poisoned but we spat it out.” 🔥
Slowly purging myself of that poison which was in me too long!
This part too, so important: “…a day with its foundation in workers’ rights seems to have been sanitised to fit into corporate cultures.” I appreciated your honesty in grappling with the performative nature of this kind of day, the way it can (but does not necessarily need to) erase who and what it’s meant to celebrate, and how to mark it on your own terms.
Thank you for this comment Stephanie. I appreciate you noticing the workers rights part. That has always felt important to me - especially when working in corporate structures where I have felt powerless or been subjected to these sort of IWD performances. I often wonder where that part of the discourse went and how we can reclaim within our systems and lives again.
Important questions to be asking! Drawing attention to it seems like at least part of an answer.
Yes that is true - its a good place to start, as the discourse these days has got so warped - with the competing main day campaigns and so many workplaces doing something to acknowledge it, it often seems like a place full of narrative battles.
Loved this, Catriona. Truly.
Thank you for taking the time to comment Michael. I am touched that you enjoyed this piece. Thank you.
Thanks for this. I often get so frustrated when men get all the kudos for speaking out on women’s rights and issues. And yes I get frustrated at women for applauding them. There’s something we simply are not getting even though we advocate for women’s empowerment ad nauseam.
Yes I agree Karina - gender differences can seem overdone because its mentioned so much, but then it also needs to be, because the discrimination issue is still there. In my opinion, its hard to tackle because we tend to avoid or not see the systemic and power dynamics at the root of inequalities, which often leads to people feeling excluded or blamed or the wrong people taking on responsibility for what is not really theirs to fix.
Great advice, Catriona. I've noticed that often when things go wrong between men and women, the men come out smelling like roses and the women are blamed for whatever happened, even when it was the man who told lies, did things he shouldn't have, that sort of thing. The tropes are still in men's favour.
Thank you Diana. Yes the tropes are in his favour, because the whole system and narrative structure is in his favour. Men get to play into existing stories while women have to explain theirs, sometimes many times over. That said, I do see this as a systems issue rather than a men/women issue. Overall men benefit from the system, but the system is inside us all until we unpack it and decide on our own ways.
And in some ways men aren't served well by the system as it is, and it can be hard for some of them to understand why. They often complain about isolation and that sort of thing.
It really is a systems issue. Thanks again for this post, Catriona.
Yes 100 % Diana - I completely agree. Thank you,
See now, this is why this collaborative writing project is SO IMPORTANT. I spent a good part of last night fretting over the piece I shared, on account of all the conditioning you've so clearly laid out here. So damn eloquent and direct. As I read, I felt my body softening, my resolve thickening again. I felt ok again, truly. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Beautifully written, I don't know where to begin quoting you! But I know that last night, out with dear friends for a special night of live music, when I should have been enjoying myself, I was fretting over the loss of success I felt I might have risked... all "when I would rather feel safe to be soft, loud, angry, all of me, without risking any loss of success." May we be all of ourselves, and normalize that. My love to you.
Thank you so much Amanda. I needed a moment to process your beautiful comment before replying. Thank you for this and I love how you point out the ways it connects to your piece and value of collaborative projects, especially for overcoming systemic socialisation issues like gender.
I’m sure there’s nothing we can’t do together. Much love to you today, Catriona!
💪🏻💕💪🏻⭐️🙂
"I would tell her to root so deep... So she can shape a world in which she can flourish." Loved it
Thank you Rajinder!
Thank you Catriona , powerful , earthed , true, so much what we need to embody 💚
Thank you Sally.
Your opening lines read like a poem to me. Or a speech I wanted to march to every International Women's Day. There is so much power, depth, groundedness, resonance in those lines, and I feel honoured to have read them.
Beautiful work, Catriona. Thank you so much for sharing it 💕
Thank you Clare for your kind words. The opening actually came from another creative essay I had written about land rights in Myanmar a while ago and never published. I thought of them when I read something about flowers and IWD which made me feel like I might throw up. So you seeing groundedness in is very true to their origin!
I loved it, especially for IWD which is often framed through a more corporate/capitalist lens. Groundedness is what we all should aspire to 💕