Hi Catriona Sorry to hear of the rude undeserved comment who said you should not have been given the chance. The chance of a lifetime which changed your life. Obviously you were deserving. I had a similar experience, 6 months after high school in which i was an exchange student on full scholarship to an elite American private school. More importantly i was hosted by an amazing family, and today 40 years later, still keep in touch with one of the brothers. Both parents of the host family have passed and they opened a door to me on a world one maybe only reads about in some magazines i guess. The year itself changed my life's trajectory from BSC Marine science hopeful to Accountant, due to different university allowing me the exchange year. My husband is an accountant who i met 7 years later, and would not have met if i hadnt changed my studies to accommodate my "year off". I have never been back to the USA mostly due to financial reasons, but the year changed my views in vast expansive ways that i later carried over to my children and my eldest got the travel bug and has changed her life in so many ways. My viewpoints and political beliefs certainly expanded in those 12 months, which has stayed with me. A wonderful wonderful dream come true for me, also showing me 'if you dont buy the ticket you have no chance to win the lottery', and has often been my mantra since. Go after what you want/dream and i raised my girls on that belief. Lovely to read your experience. Lesley
Hi Lesley - I loved reading your story of your exchange student experience and all those little connections which shaped your life and your world view. I think those travel/live abroad experiences when we are young have the biggest potential to support our growth and understanding of the world. How amazing you kept in touch with the family and that experience led to you meeting your husband and what great mantras for yourself and your girls. Thank for sharing!
This is such a beautifully articulated piece- thank you.
There is so much about my travelling life and living and working abroad that I appreciate retrospectively, more than I did at the actual time. There is so much that I am grateful that I have done (some which I am disbelieving that I've done!) that I am not sure I would want to do again.
The first thing I thought of when I read the letter you received was 'that lady clearly hasn't actually traveled' or if she has, has done so within a very sanitised framework. It seems to me that the shattering of what we *think* it's going to be like has to occur to make way for the reality of it- I guess like any relationship based on something real.
When I first came to New Zealand, I knew this was home. And yet, still it was hard. Loving something. somewhere or someone is full of complexities it turns out! But ultimately worth it in the end xx
"And yet, still it was hard" I am very much this. Even last night, after two years of living in France I looked at the view and had a panic. Why am I in the middle of nowhere with nothing to see but mountains when I could be in busy buzzy London.
Thank you Catriona for writing these words and Jane for flagging to me. I am still not fully understanding the French jokes part. Just about able to understand TV shows with french subtitles and frustrated at my lack of language growth but baby steps.
Hello Lucy - thank you for passing by and sharing your experience. I relate to that feeling of being torn between places. Sometimes it is beautiful but also very different from what we left behind. I went back to live in Aix to write my novel in 2019 and that time was honestly even harder. I was freelancing too so by myself a lot, it was hard to make friends - even though I now spoke the language fluently. It was beautiful, creative, romantic, healing but also hard and often lonely.
I think doing all those law lectures in French really forced me to learn the language quickly when I was there the first time - my number one language learning tip - have a really hard degree you are terrified to fail it is a great motivator :D. My number 2 tip - was - as this was 2003 - I had a radio and as there are legal requirements to play a certain % of French tunes on the radio - that also helped me so much.
Haha, I think taking a French degree ‘might’ tip me over the edge right now but love the radio tip. I try to listen to French songs on my spotify playlist. I am at that level where I can watch a series on Netflix with French subtitles and understand about 70% of the plot.
I relate to that I am grateful that I have done/travelled/had lots of rich experiences but not sure I would want to do again :D This experience in France was full of positive growth though - so it is one I would embrace and recommend to others!
I also still find it odd that someone put so much energy into writing me these letters - as you said she was perhaps seeing through a very sanitised lens.
I agree - even when you love where you live - it is often hard to move to another place - I don't think that is talked about enough in the travel space - the complexities of adapting to new countries and the range of inner and outer challenges we can come up against as a result.
Wow, that woman was choking on some rather sour grapes, wasn't she?! She wrote you multiple letters?! I bet she wishes she'd had adventures like yours but probably has a whole list of excuses for why she never actually made them happen. 😊
I loved reading this post. It was so reminiscent of my story! When I look back on how utterly naive I was when I first pitched up in Japan and then the UK way back in the early nineties, it makes me cringe with embarrassment at how little I knew! But I also marvel at my youthful willingness to just head out there and find the answers for questions I didn't even know I had. It's like that famous Maya Angelou quote - "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." If you waited until you knew, you'd never have had the opportunity to find out!
Thanks for these beautiful reflections. Three cheers for 20-year-old Catriona. She was an explorer and a pioneer. 💕
Hi Michelle thank you for your comments - loved your reflections on that lady who wrote thos letters :D And yes absolutely on that youthful willingness and love that about answers to questions I didn't know I had. There was definately some things I needed to learn, but when I look back at that time and the way I believed I could just try things - its a part of myself I sometimes try to reclaim as it is valuable and beautiful to belive in our dreams and go on the adventure.
Great post, Catriona. And yes to this: "Because learning is not about readiness, it is about willingness." I hope none of us wait to live until we're ready!
Oh Catriona I love this! So evocative...and very timely, considering that I'm moving to France later this year. I hope to see the famous lavender fields too...
Hello Shreya - lovely to connect with you - thank you for taking the time to comment. How exciting you are moving to France this year -do you know where you will be based? Those lavendar fields are very special. And thank you so much for your encouragement!
This is such a beautiful piece and I can definitely relate. I went from Germany to New Zealand to attend school there when I was 16 and it's only been the last couple of years that I've realized how unprepared I was for that step. But I also marvel at the determined bravery which made 16 year old me believe that she could do this.
It was so hard at times and moving abroad at whatever age is brave and full of experiences you couldn't possibly be prepared for. You might learn to anticipate some and know to prepare more but even then a different country will always be a foreign place full of rules and customs you slowly have to adjust to.
I'm glad your time in France led you to many more experiences abroad.
Hello Ulrike - thank you so much for this thoughtful comment and sorry that it took me a while to reply - I was travelling the past couple of weeks and a bit too overwhelmed to keep up with my Substack. Wow - New Zealand/Germany must have been a lot to process when you were 16 - especially because of the time difference - it makes it hard to connect with people at home. And yes its true - I made a move last year again when I was 39 and I think it was harder than when I was younger tbh! That transition both to a new place and back home are both hard.
What a lovely essay. I was nineteen myself when I moved to France (Paris) to study. Fashion magazines were my equivalent of your lavender field picture; I was so sure of my dream of working in the fashion industry. I loved being in Paris, but my study experience was extremely hard. I definitely didn't move through all that experience with grace or readiness. I thought I was ready for it all, but I wasn't. Now, I can only smile at my ferocious enthusiasm for throwing myself into such a significant life change and immersing myself in another country and its culture. Those years gave me so much. I became more resilient and more aware of myself. Became an adult. And that's the beauty of going into things without the mythical readiness. Thank you for the opportunity to reflect on that. (Needless to say, that comment that you shouldn't have received this opportunity was so illogical. Are you only supposed to talk about the fluffy things?)
Hello Monika - thank you so much for your comment and sorry for my slow response time - I have - ironically maybe - been travelling and not able to keep up with comments! Thank you for sharing your experience in Paris -I loved reading that and I can imagine the fashion industry is really difficult there and I love your phrase - ferocious enthusiasm - I want to embrace more of that.
I applaud you for not allowing that comment to be the thing that changed you. Instead, you rose to the challenge of being in a new and different place and all that life might have to offer you, which you would never have known, if you had stayed where you were. Also, as an aging woman, who did not do anything in my youth that was stepping out of the ordinary and relying solely upon myself, things could have been so much different for me! I think I finally learned at least some of the lessons I was meant to, but it feels like it took me longer. I think being on your own in a strange place made you self-reliant and independent in a whole other way (whereas I was just on my own, not necessary somewhere unfamiliar). So, Brava!! I love this!! XO
Hello Danielle - thank you so much for your comment and kind words. That is so interesting to read your reflections on this because I hit 40 this year and as I reflect more on my life - I often question why I choose all these difficult travel experiences rather than a simpler journey. :D I guess there is wisdom in both ways and we can always look back and see both sides of the story.
I can't know if you would feel this way, but I am guessing you don't have one regret. I for sure don't, even if it took me longer to get to this wiser, more self-loving, Sacred place. I am grateful for EVERYTHING that got me here. It is ALL beautiful. Having some difficulty is useful so that we can appreciate the simpler things more readily and abundantly! XO
Hi Catriona Sorry to hear of the rude undeserved comment who said you should not have been given the chance. The chance of a lifetime which changed your life. Obviously you were deserving. I had a similar experience, 6 months after high school in which i was an exchange student on full scholarship to an elite American private school. More importantly i was hosted by an amazing family, and today 40 years later, still keep in touch with one of the brothers. Both parents of the host family have passed and they opened a door to me on a world one maybe only reads about in some magazines i guess. The year itself changed my life's trajectory from BSC Marine science hopeful to Accountant, due to different university allowing me the exchange year. My husband is an accountant who i met 7 years later, and would not have met if i hadnt changed my studies to accommodate my "year off". I have never been back to the USA mostly due to financial reasons, but the year changed my views in vast expansive ways that i later carried over to my children and my eldest got the travel bug and has changed her life in so many ways. My viewpoints and political beliefs certainly expanded in those 12 months, which has stayed with me. A wonderful wonderful dream come true for me, also showing me 'if you dont buy the ticket you have no chance to win the lottery', and has often been my mantra since. Go after what you want/dream and i raised my girls on that belief. Lovely to read your experience. Lesley
Hi Lesley - I loved reading your story of your exchange student experience and all those little connections which shaped your life and your world view. I think those travel/live abroad experiences when we are young have the biggest potential to support our growth and understanding of the world. How amazing you kept in touch with the family and that experience led to you meeting your husband and what great mantras for yourself and your girls. Thank for sharing!
This is such a beautifully articulated piece- thank you.
There is so much about my travelling life and living and working abroad that I appreciate retrospectively, more than I did at the actual time. There is so much that I am grateful that I have done (some which I am disbelieving that I've done!) that I am not sure I would want to do again.
The first thing I thought of when I read the letter you received was 'that lady clearly hasn't actually traveled' or if she has, has done so within a very sanitised framework. It seems to me that the shattering of what we *think* it's going to be like has to occur to make way for the reality of it- I guess like any relationship based on something real.
When I first came to New Zealand, I knew this was home. And yet, still it was hard. Loving something. somewhere or someone is full of complexities it turns out! But ultimately worth it in the end xx
"And yet, still it was hard" I am very much this. Even last night, after two years of living in France I looked at the view and had a panic. Why am I in the middle of nowhere with nothing to see but mountains when I could be in busy buzzy London.
Thank you Catriona for writing these words and Jane for flagging to me. I am still not fully understanding the French jokes part. Just about able to understand TV shows with french subtitles and frustrated at my lack of language growth but baby steps.
Hello Lucy - thank you for passing by and sharing your experience. I relate to that feeling of being torn between places. Sometimes it is beautiful but also very different from what we left behind. I went back to live in Aix to write my novel in 2019 and that time was honestly even harder. I was freelancing too so by myself a lot, it was hard to make friends - even though I now spoke the language fluently. It was beautiful, creative, romantic, healing but also hard and often lonely.
I think doing all those law lectures in French really forced me to learn the language quickly when I was there the first time - my number one language learning tip - have a really hard degree you are terrified to fail it is a great motivator :D. My number 2 tip - was - as this was 2003 - I had a radio and as there are legal requirements to play a certain % of French tunes on the radio - that also helped me so much.
Haha, I think taking a French degree ‘might’ tip me over the edge right now but love the radio tip. I try to listen to French songs on my spotify playlist. I am at that level where I can watch a series on Netflix with French subtitles and understand about 70% of the plot.
Love this reflection Jane - thank you.
I relate to that I am grateful that I have done/travelled/had lots of rich experiences but not sure I would want to do again :D This experience in France was full of positive growth though - so it is one I would embrace and recommend to others!
I also still find it odd that someone put so much energy into writing me these letters - as you said she was perhaps seeing through a very sanitised lens.
I agree - even when you love where you live - it is often hard to move to another place - I don't think that is talked about enough in the travel space - the complexities of adapting to new countries and the range of inner and outer challenges we can come up against as a result.
Wow, that woman was choking on some rather sour grapes, wasn't she?! She wrote you multiple letters?! I bet she wishes she'd had adventures like yours but probably has a whole list of excuses for why she never actually made them happen. 😊
I loved reading this post. It was so reminiscent of my story! When I look back on how utterly naive I was when I first pitched up in Japan and then the UK way back in the early nineties, it makes me cringe with embarrassment at how little I knew! But I also marvel at my youthful willingness to just head out there and find the answers for questions I didn't even know I had. It's like that famous Maya Angelou quote - "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." If you waited until you knew, you'd never have had the opportunity to find out!
Thanks for these beautiful reflections. Three cheers for 20-year-old Catriona. She was an explorer and a pioneer. 💕
Hi Michelle thank you for your comments - loved your reflections on that lady who wrote thos letters :D And yes absolutely on that youthful willingness and love that about answers to questions I didn't know I had. There was definately some things I needed to learn, but when I look back at that time and the way I believed I could just try things - its a part of myself I sometimes try to reclaim as it is valuable and beautiful to belive in our dreams and go on the adventure.
Great post, Catriona. And yes to this: "Because learning is not about readiness, it is about willingness." I hope none of us wait to live until we're ready!
Thank you Jenn. 100%!!
Oh Catriona I love this! So evocative...and very timely, considering that I'm moving to France later this year. I hope to see the famous lavender fields too...
Glad to have found you here. Keep writing😍
Hello Shreya - lovely to connect with you - thank you for taking the time to comment. How exciting you are moving to France this year -do you know where you will be based? Those lavendar fields are very special. And thank you so much for your encouragement!
When I looked into my partners eye and all the arrangement of my dns shifted to unite with her. Leaving everything behind and starting a new life. ❤️
This is such a beautiful piece and I can definitely relate. I went from Germany to New Zealand to attend school there when I was 16 and it's only been the last couple of years that I've realized how unprepared I was for that step. But I also marvel at the determined bravery which made 16 year old me believe that she could do this.
It was so hard at times and moving abroad at whatever age is brave and full of experiences you couldn't possibly be prepared for. You might learn to anticipate some and know to prepare more but even then a different country will always be a foreign place full of rules and customs you slowly have to adjust to.
I'm glad your time in France led you to many more experiences abroad.
Hello Ulrike - thank you so much for this thoughtful comment and sorry that it took me a while to reply - I was travelling the past couple of weeks and a bit too overwhelmed to keep up with my Substack. Wow - New Zealand/Germany must have been a lot to process when you were 16 - especially because of the time difference - it makes it hard to connect with people at home. And yes its true - I made a move last year again when I was 39 and I think it was harder than when I was younger tbh! That transition both to a new place and back home are both hard.
What a lovely essay. I was nineteen myself when I moved to France (Paris) to study. Fashion magazines were my equivalent of your lavender field picture; I was so sure of my dream of working in the fashion industry. I loved being in Paris, but my study experience was extremely hard. I definitely didn't move through all that experience with grace or readiness. I thought I was ready for it all, but I wasn't. Now, I can only smile at my ferocious enthusiasm for throwing myself into such a significant life change and immersing myself in another country and its culture. Those years gave me so much. I became more resilient and more aware of myself. Became an adult. And that's the beauty of going into things without the mythical readiness. Thank you for the opportunity to reflect on that. (Needless to say, that comment that you shouldn't have received this opportunity was so illogical. Are you only supposed to talk about the fluffy things?)
Hello Monika - thank you so much for your comment and sorry for my slow response time - I have - ironically maybe - been travelling and not able to keep up with comments! Thank you for sharing your experience in Paris -I loved reading that and I can imagine the fashion industry is really difficult there and I love your phrase - ferocious enthusiasm - I want to embrace more of that.
I applaud you for not allowing that comment to be the thing that changed you. Instead, you rose to the challenge of being in a new and different place and all that life might have to offer you, which you would never have known, if you had stayed where you were. Also, as an aging woman, who did not do anything in my youth that was stepping out of the ordinary and relying solely upon myself, things could have been so much different for me! I think I finally learned at least some of the lessons I was meant to, but it feels like it took me longer. I think being on your own in a strange place made you self-reliant and independent in a whole other way (whereas I was just on my own, not necessary somewhere unfamiliar). So, Brava!! I love this!! XO
Hello Danielle - thank you so much for your comment and kind words. That is so interesting to read your reflections on this because I hit 40 this year and as I reflect more on my life - I often question why I choose all these difficult travel experiences rather than a simpler journey. :D I guess there is wisdom in both ways and we can always look back and see both sides of the story.
Catriona,
I can't know if you would feel this way, but I am guessing you don't have one regret. I for sure don't, even if it took me longer to get to this wiser, more self-loving, Sacred place. I am grateful for EVERYTHING that got me here. It is ALL beautiful. Having some difficulty is useful so that we can appreciate the simpler things more readily and abundantly! XO