There Might Be A Frog
Join me to expand our collective thinking about love this Valentine's Day.
No fairytales. No grand gestures, ghosts or meant-to-bes. Not here.
(There might be a frog.)
But no war disguised as passion. No bombing in the name of love.
Come into this space where there are no magic promises. The door opens normally. The hinges stay in place. This house does not move in the night.
The man you meet does not become a bear. The woman you find does not fit into glass shoes.
At the end of the story, the frog is still a frog. (Which is statistically much better for global biodiversity).
41, Single and Failed?
It is that time of year. Once again, businesses work hard to remind me that I have failed for not yet finding a life partner. I am 41. Yet, weirdly, at 41, I feel much more at ease with being single than I have at any other time of my life.
For a long time, I felt being single was a situation to be corrected. I spent Valentine’s days in remote parts of Myanmar, depressed that I didn’t have a date. I was convinced that partnership was the reward for all of my struggles. And on Februarys when I was in relationships, I don’t have any memories of the day as romantic, special or fun.
I have learned a lot from seeking romantic love. From trying to make relationships work. It has also taught me what it means to be a woman in our society.
But, more often, I have felt more loved when those relationships failed. By the care friends and family showed me when I had nowhere to live after moving countries for a partner and then being unceremoniously dumped. Or in the process of learning yoga and studying for a master’s degree after crawling away from an abusive engagement. Or in tending to my creative ideas, writing poems, a novel, this newsletter.
What form would love take if we let it run wild?
These days, I am more interested in all the ways love shows up around me (and how I can show up in the world with love). I love the idea of love as multi-coloured, with an array of characters, tones and hues. I no longer feel like my life choices lead down a singular path to only one romantic dream.
Rather, I wonder, what form would love take if we grew it organically for ourselves? If we let it run wild rampage over our lives, like a weed in fertile soil?
If we stopped looking for love in empty shells, which look like love should look, but don’t feel like love should feel?
If it wasn’t so taboo to talk about love in businesses, governments and workspaces, if it wasn’t a word which only shows up in romance? Our English language vocabulary limited to a few passionate nouns and verbs.
What would we call the love of talking to the stars?
How do we celebrate the love of people who tend to undecorated houses, make old vans beautiful and save plants from dying?
How can we cultivate the momentary love of strangers: making tea for visitors to your country, the people who make us laugh waiting at bus stops?
What do we call the love of talking to the moon, the stars, the street cats, our houseplants and ourselves in kind ways?
How can we reward the love of loving ourselves enough to walk away from unkind, abusive situations? What do we call the love for the children we did not have?
What is the name for the love when we tend to our artworks, when we spend time with others peoples’ creations?
What can we call the love of learning our global histories, our ancestors’ lost practices, the inner languages of caring for our own hearts?
Join me
I am inviting you to take a few moments this Valentine’s Day to share your love reframes.
Tell me your creative ambitions for love.
What are the unexpected ways love has grown in your life?
What type of love would you like to see more of in the world? What names would you give it?
What vocabulary would you like us to use to talk about love?
What life experiences have reframed your idea of love?
How can we reframe love so we never feel it is in short supply?
Help me expand our collective imaginations this Valentine’s Day.
And, if you needed an excuse to freely give out hearts to other writers, let today motivate you to reframe love as appreciation. There are more than enough hearts to go around.
Till next week, with love (and a renewed appreciation for frogs),
Catriona
Love, love, love
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Loved reading this Catriona. Before meeting my partner, I was single for 12 years. I am still so proud of the beautiful life I built for myself, especially toward the end of that chapter. Being single is often seen as a 'before' or a 'not quite complete'. That wasn't my experience at all. It was one of the most fulfilling times of my life, and I still treasure it deeply. 💕
We are definitely of like minds on this one, this Valentine's Day, dear Catriona. Love is so much bigger than the tiny (glass) shoes women are taught to shove it into! Here's to BIG love of all kinds! Jody x